FAITH

i wanna leave. i wanna stop all this. i dont wanna face all this things. how i wish things weren’t this way. i can’t avoid it can’t stop it from happening. im tired.. no matter how strong i want to be i still can’t. IM TIRED and i dont know WHY? i hate thiss.. during O’s period, i always remind myself that i will work hard and do my best bec i will not want this thing to happen.I do not want the images of what i think to happen in real life. I really want to do well and avoid all these. but it isnt this way now. i feel sooooo…… its so disappointing and sadd dk how to describe. what is the purpose of studying so hard?? idk?

sometimes i feel lyk leaving this place.disappear myself in this world. avoid all these sitution. i hate to face it!! im actually not strong. i dont want to disappoint my parents, to make them feel that all their children are unable to do well do make them proud. i know they are upset of it. this is why i always wanted to do well and make my parents proud and happy. all these while they dont scold me for my studies. sometimes compared to my friends i am luckier than them. bec their parent would scold and nag and them for studies and results. but, my parents never once did that to me. i do not feel a single stress that they gave me for studies. i felt fortunate for this. but! the more they give me freedom the more stress i feel. bec i know that they dont want to stress me. they don’t to add on stress. but i know i must do well to show them i can do it, i can make them proud. this is all why i wanna do well. for all the people who cared and loved me. my aunt,uncle,relatives.. i feel so upset to disappoint them. no matter how hard it is i still cant make things right? WHY?

Lord, i know that you are doing something in my Life but when will this end? i need to see hope! i dont want to be so afraid for my future anymore. i want things to go on smoothly..

`~God, restore your love and strength upon me.